Devon Cricket Board - Devon Seniors

REPORT ON 2009 CANADIAN CRICKET TOUR

WE HAVE had the lands of the lions, cigar-smoking monkeys and tour guides with annoying ‘what’s cooking-in-the-kettle’ phrases.

Now it was off to the Rockeys, bears and lakes — by the dozen!

The latest Devon Over-50s tour to Canada promised to be the best ever after hugely successful previous visits to South Africa, Kenya and Sri Lanka.

It lived up to its top billing both on and, as you would expect, off the field.

The Canadians were no match for us on the field as we played five and won five.

Our hosts even tried heat torture as they summoned the highest-recorded temperatures in Vancouver’ s history to help beat us. But it was all to no avail as we kept our cool in the 40 degrees furnace.

The tour began with a flight from Gatwick to Vancouver and then ferry to the beautiful; island of Victoria. The Laurel Point Hotel was sheer luxury in a superb setting and excellent service. We had been spoiled for the rest of the trip.

It didn’t take me too long to find an off licence — sorry liquor store — either, although trying to buy cigars was like trying to find out what was in Mike Hunt’s blue bag. I eventually discovered that the Canadians/Americans have a thing about tobacco being on sale openly. The cigars were, in fact, hidden behind a curtain and locked in a cabinet at the very same liquor store. It was the same wherever we went. Talk about being made to feel like a social leper. Mrs P was all for it, of course.

It was obvious our hosts were out to win at all costs. What else could be the reason for a slap-up, between innings lunch for our first game against Beacon Hill Cricket Club? Several of our players were forced to over-indulge with the wine and beer before we took to the field. Nigel Ashplant was in particular fine fettle and the liquid refreshments surely had nothing to do with debutante Roger Wensley’s inability to spot and catch the ball in the outfield. One through the legs off the bowling of yours truly just has to be mentioned. But victory was secured.

The hospitality for the first game was unbelievable and it was just a taste of what was to come for the rest of the tour.

There was time for walks, boat trips, seaplane flights and whale-watching in between the games.

There was also time for the esteemed and well-respected Devon umpires guru John Wadsworth to turn Dalek-like on a visit to the Butchart Gardens. As we waited for the fireworks to begin the heavens opened and John’s wife Di decided to plonk him in a wheelchair and cover him head to toe in am aluminium- style sheet. We were seeing a man renowned for his tough- talking, no-nonsense approach in a totally new light. It is what tours are made of. John’s emails will never be the same!

Cowichan Cricket Club was the next venue and Di was not to be outdone by the antics of her cuddly hubbie. That probably explains why she decided to score in just her bra!

Another victory was recorded despite efforts to kill off yours truly in the outfield-time- forgot. I couldn’t understand why the Cowichan fielders kept falling over in one corner of the ground as if they had been shot by a sniper. After chasing two balls I discovered just how uneven the surface was. I thought my legs weren’t working properly as other players — notably Mike Canning — took great delight cheering on the newly-named Twinkle Toes.

It was here that ‘Miracle Man Macey’ did his hamstring and couldn’t take to the field in the heat after batting. Miracle man because Bob somehow managed to recover from such an agonising injury to bat and bowl a couple of days later.

Our stay on the island went far too quickly. Suddenly we were back in the sprawling city of Vancouver and a hotel with floors towering high into the sky.

We were given a ‘short’ guided tour by Rear Admiral Chris Theedom, tour organiser and a seasoned voyager to these parts which almost killed those who took part before the rest of the games.

Victories against West Vancouver, an invitation XI at the Don Bradman-loved Stanley Park and a return game against Vancouver followed.

Then we were off to the Rockeys with just a few mountain fires to fight along the way.

Banff was the destination. Major Theedom set off a day late with convoy by road. He seemed to have obtained more grey hairs by the time he had arrived which was something of a mystery.

For the rest of us it was off to Whistler to pick up the Rocky Mountaineer and a two-day train trip.

Perhaps it was the fact that Mr Ashplant was now in charge, but things didn’t exactly go according to plan.

We arrived at Whistler and, despite Mr A’s plans to keep it quiet, were told we would have to travel by road at the crack of dawn the following day to meet the train past the site of the fires which had been devastating the landscape. I would have to be careful with my cigar stubs here....

I also discovered where Whistler obtained its name as a storm brewed and a chair whistled past my ear while I was having a quick pint outside a local restaurant.

We finally met with the Rocky Mountaineer and our host and on-board guide Bill, a gay fellow full of information who kept us supplied with food and drink.

There was some dramatic scenery along the way and trees and trees and more trees.

Tourists flocked to the vestibules to catch a glimpse of the wildlife, including the much-sought bear.

It was rumoured that Bob Eames was after a bear so he could shoot one!

We did see one, somebody else reckoned they spotted a cougar(the lager is five per cent over there) and there were even two sightings of naked men!

Much of the same followed for the second day on the train after an overnight stop at Quesnel.

We finally arrived in Banff where it was raining. Oh for the heatwave of Vancouver!

A rest day was followed by two days of excursions. Lake Louise, Emerald Lake, Marrain Lake this lake and that bloody lake followed. All joking aside the scenery was breath-taking.

Bus driver Rob, an astute purveyor of all things locals, had by this time been joined by our official guide Julie.

Excursion day one ended with an order to relax from Julie and some gentle Swiss chalet- style music. Oh how I needed a beer.

Excursion day two was a visit to the Ice Fields Parkway and a chance to actually walk on the Athabasca Glacier. The chance of a lifetime made even more memorable by Mr Wadsworth almost falling into a crevasse trying to fill up a bottle with ice-cold water!

The day ended with another hushaby edict from Julie and a DVD of the Canadian Mounted Police horse display team! There was also time for another lake..... Oh how I needed a beer.

The final day was for shopping — and more lakes, naturally — and the sun shone.

A farewell get together was organised and every single player rewarded. Newcomer Graham Munday was chosen as player of the tour with runs and a hatful of wickets. Well- deserved despite the fact that he was an under-age ringer!

Julian Mr Geography Page took the batting honours. There was a special ode from Mr Entertainment Canning and a rich vote of thanks to Chris and wife Jackie and umpires and scorers the Wadsworths, Jenny Page and Rob Elliott who, incidentally, had returned to the Lake Louise Hotel during the trip 60 years after first visiting there.

I would have also given awards to ‘Lady’ Elizabeth Fulner who added a touch of royalty to the tour. To Mr Canning for his singing and bartering with various restaurant staff. To Mr Burston for his constant bird-twitching antics and talking about the recession after the game at Cowichan?

To Mr Ashplant for his never- ending quest to be in charge.

To Mr Hunt for his tremendous efforts to clear the Bumper Inn’s food shelves of all salads.

To Mr Barry Fricker who, I am told, he is behind a new entry to the Oxford dictionary: ‘Fricker’ — a verb which means to approach a total stranger and talk endlessly and expertly on a subject about which you haven’t a clue.

And last but not least to the East Devon, Sandford and Exmouth-inspired Masonic lodge which went out of its way to abuse and ridicule the Barton One at every available opportunity.

Only joking, fellas. A superb tour all round. Fantastic scenery, superb company and brilliantly organised by Mr Theedom.

Here’s to the next one — and next lake!

Jim Parker